“Let it go”, “It’s in the past”, “what’s done is done”, “Move on”.
Much of this is so much easier said than done. I’ve been through a lot of hurts in life so far and I’ll be honest, I’ve done well getting through them. Honestly, I try not to live in the past or dwell on things and if said hurt is out of sight, then it’s generally out of mind. I’ve been struggling with a particular hurt though. Quite frankly, I hate that I’ve let it get to me so much. I’m better than that. And, just because a handful of people have chosen to terminate a friendship shouldn’t matter so much. I’ve worked hard to get past it, but I’ll be honest…when the source of the hurt is in constant view – it’s difficult to get past. Sometimes I wish we could pick up our house and move.
Aside from the constant reminder…why is it so tough? Perhaps it’s the hurtful words that were spoken. Perhaps it’s because to this day I’m still unsure as to what exactly happened to cause it. I’ve been living the last few years with the assumption that it’s something I did. But perhaps…it’s not anything I did. Or perhaps it is. Perhaps the one time I decide to open my mouth and speak the true feelings on my mind is what did it. Truth hurts is what they say right? I’m not perfect. Never claim to be and I certainly don’t think it’s all about me or the world revolves around me or that it owes me. Not at all.
Sure, I suffer depression and at times I whine. Perhaps that gets misconstrued.
Really, I tend to keep to myself and I’m not one for confrontation and I don’t like to make waves. I generally go with the flow. More passive than aggressive. So when I was told that I always make everything about me and that I’m a B*tch. It hurt. And when these “friends” started unfriending and their friends started unfriending me, I felt like I was in middle school again or something. Acts of immaturity.
I really have tried to get beyond it. But, I won’t lie. It hurt…A LOT! And it’s really affected my friending skills. I’m afraid to get too close to anyone because I really don’t want to live through that hurt again.
I will survive and thrive. But it’ll take time…time heals all wounds right?
Thanks for being here my little blog friend.
Peace. Love. Smile