Weigh In and Other Stuff

I weighed in on Saturday and amazingly enough I was down 3 lbs.  I could not believe it.  That stupid scale has been showing a small gain for weeks despite my effort.  I just hope that it’ll keep going down.  I really am trying.  I’ve been tracking my food and trying to keep it under 1500 calories.  I’ve been exercising – trying to get in 4 workouts per week at least.  That’ll increase when I can get myself a swimsuit and return to the pool as well.  We just re-upped our membership to the Y so that’s cool.  Fall is definitely here. It’s been getting dark out earlier.  I love Fall, but I don’t like that part of it. 

This morning (a Monday), as usual I had some difficulty getting up and getting ready for work.  I just didn’t want to go to work. That’s quite typical for me on most Monday’s I think.  This morning though I felt a little more emotional than I have been.  I even cried on my drive to work.  Sometimes I think things just build up and then release.  Yesterday, the 20th marked 13 years since I had my last miscarriage.  I can’t believe we’d have a 12 year old right now.  I’ve had two miscarriages.  My first and fourth pregnancy.  I was disappointed about the first of course, but I was also young and not quite married so I figured there was reason for it.  My fourth, however, was more difficult.  I had always wanted four kids.  I do have four kids, it just so happens that only two are surviving.  I love them to bits too.  They are almost 21 and 18.  I can’t believe they’re already adults. Time flies.  I often time find myself crying too because time flies and I miss some of the younger days. I think perhaps it’s this midlife time that is a bit rough for me.  We wrapped our lives around the kids and their activities.  Now, that they’re graduated and off doing their thing, it’s a bit tough to get used to.  I’ve struggled with the idea of going back to school, but I just don’t know if I really want to or not.  I find myself feeling quite dissatisfied with my present job, but is that because I want something different for work, or I’d just rather not have to work so much?  I really would like to see my husband own his own business and me just work along side him.  I know it’d be a lot of work, but I think it’d be great.  Of course, that all requires money…money we do not have.  I think that too is tough, to be in our 40’s and struggling so much financially.  Lack of money also weighs into the whole school thing. Sure, I could get student loans, but that’s more debt on top of all the student loan money I already owe (from my past failed attempts at school).  SIGH

And, what would I go to school for?  I toss around the idea of either graphic design (because I enjoy photography and videography) or something in the health and wellness field because I think I’d like to help others who are fighting the obesity monster.  I don’t know. 

Then, there’s this knee pain.  I can’t stand it.  It’s been aggravating me for a week now and really there’s nothing that can be done about it.  I’ve got some arthritis and bone on bone issues and my weight just makes it all worse.  I have cried at times because I can’t stand the pain.  It sucks! 

My husband has been dealing with a poor gall bladder. He sees the doctor again today.  He hasn’t been able to eat much at all. When he does, a  lot of the time, it comes back up.  The pain is excruciating.  I’m assuming he’ll need surgery; I just don’t know when it’ll be.  I’m sure he’s wishing it was sooner than later.  He’s quite sick of it too. 

I think I just needed to rant a little.  I’ll probably cry a little more too.  Crying does seem to help.


About DorothyMarie

I'm 47 years old, divorced with two adult daughters. My youngest lives with me. Between the two of us, we have four dogs. I own one Pitbull Terrier named Oaklee, a German Shepherd named Xena and a Pomeranian named Teddy Bear. My daughter owns Oaklee's sister named Aspen. I started school in January of 2018 and am studying Psychology. I have a long road ahead of me but am excited about it.
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