Where do I begin? It’s been two months since I’ve lasted added an entry to this blog. I have been hospitalized a total of four times in the last 10 months. I really don’t remember a lot of the day that I was admitted for each visit, except for this last one, which was back the end of July to early August. What I remember is something else I’ll say. I behaved in ways I never would. I remember going outside the morning I was to be admitted, laid down in the grass in the shape of a cross and was yelling at the sky. I was yelling “I’m a believer”. The uncomfortable part was that I chose to lay down in the neighbor’s yard. I went back in the house and my husband said you’re going back to the hospital. So we went. On the way there, I was somehow reading nearly every sign we passed and I would yell “I’m trying to use my coping skills”. When we got to the hospital, I was sitting in a room and I couldn’t sit still and I was singing and yelling. I was admitted and there I stayed until early August.
Now I’m not saying that I loved the place because I didn’t. I missed seeing my family so much. But I will say, it helped. I got under control with the help of medication. I was always one who hated medications. I didn’t like pill taking at all. BUT, in this case, I was okay with the meds. I certainly don’t want to go through what I went through again. I did what I needed to while hospitalized. I participated in the group therapy sessions and classes. I don’t think I missed any of them unless I was tired and preferred taking a nap. Thankfully, my husband had open visitation so he did come by now and then. I loved the visits. My daughter also came too on most visits. After two weeks I was discharged to the partial program. Partial was group therapy that ran from 9 a.m. to 3 p.m. during the week. At least with partial, I got to go home each day. I completed 4 days of partial and then was discharged fully. I was so happy to be done with it. Even happier that I felt stabilized and in much better moods.
My diagnoses ranged from Severe Depressions, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, Anxiety, and Schizoaffective. Yes, my hospitalizations were at a Mental Hospital.
I’ve made great progress so far because I’m now back to work. Of course, I’m taking it slow. I work 9 a.m. to 3 p.m. three days a week. I get re-evaluated by my Psychiatrist on Monday the 13th. I think I could handle some more hours. I just don’t want to get overwhelmed or stressed right away. I don’t want to have any more episodes that could land me in the hospital again.
I could keep going, but I’ll stop here.