Midlife Work

It’s Monday after a nice 4-day weekend. It was really tough coming into work today. I almost didn’t. I know that I should be grateful for a job and I am. However, my heart is no longer in this job.  I can honestly say I don’t like it anymore.  That makes for a tough morning every day (except for weekends).  I don’t like time to fly and yet I find myself looking forward to the weekend every week.

I don’t know why I feel this way about my job. Perhaps it’s the longevity. I’ve been here since I graduated high school. In May, it’ll be 27 years. The reason I haven’t left this place is because I have 6 weeks of vacation.  I love my vacation time.  If I were to go to something different, I certainly wouldn’t have that much vacation.

I need to dig in my heart and ask myself, what is it I want to do. You know what I’d love?  If my husband could realize his dream of owning his own business.  Then, I could work with him. That would be something different and working with my husband is a dream for me.  Get me out of this corporate world.  Being unhappy about it every day I come here can’t be good.  One person can only take it for so long.  I have been searching job openings though just in case something pops out at me.

If I can’t work with my husband, the next thing I’d like is to be a life/health coach. That, however, requires schooling and I’m not going to try that again. I’m already buried in school loans for the other couple times I tried.  This last time I tried, I ended up having my first anxiety and panic attacks and eventually ended up hospitalized.  I stayed at the hospital 5 different times now. I am praying that there’s no more.  After my last stay at the hospital, my daughter said that the job was why I was having this difficulties and I should consider applying for disability.  I was off so long at one point I did have to apply for social security. I was denied of course.  Honestly, I too think work is a part of it.

Perhaps this is a midlife crisis. I want to do something different. I want to explore. I like photography, perhaps I can do something with that. Perhaps my husband and I could get to working on Body by Vi (Visalus). One of the guys that I know was able to quit his corporate job he did so well with it.  He’s still doing well.

I’m sick of this cubicle.

About DorothyMarie

I'm 49 years old, divorced with two adult daughters.
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