Life Update – It’s Been Awhile!

Oh my goodness has it been a long time!  My last update was in October after losing my job.  I’m still currently unemployed and have about 8 weeks left of unemployment, but am looking to do transcription from home.  I really want to find something I can do from home as I think that would work best with my schooling.  Yes, I have returned to school!  This is my 3rd attempt at trying school again.  This time, I hope to actually finish and get a degree!  I’m studying Psychology which is very different from the field I worked in (IT).  The program is entirely online, which I love.  I hate driving in winter so being able to stay at home and log on is awesome.  My first class was Personal Wellness.  I just finished the class with a 96% (A).  I got a 100% on my final research project.  I did my project on schizoaffective disorder.  I was very happy with my grades!

So, the big news and change since October is the awful D word – DIVORCE!  No, it’s not what I wanted.  I was heartbroken when my soon to be ex broke the news to me.  I guess he’s been unhappy for a while.  He intended on telling me at the end of summer, but didn’t because my employer was beginning to do its layoffs and he said he couldn’t do it.  I wish he would’ve! At least then, I had a job!  Instead, he waited until the new year.  The holidays this year pretty much sucked!  The new year was worse!  I cried almost non stop for two weeks at the beginning of the year.  I didn’t see it coming.  He wasn’t interested in marriage counseling or anything.  He just wanted out.  He doesn’t want any of my 401K or pension and doesn’t want the house.  There are no lawyers involved because I can’t afford one anyway.  I’ve had people tell me to go for alimony, but I don’t know that I’d get anything.  I was the breadwinner for 28 years until my employer let me go in October.  The timing is incredible!  I’ve begun going to a group called Girl Talk on Tuesday mornings.  It’s a group of ladies from church that gather for prayer and fellowship.  Right now, we’re doing a bible study (reading the book “24 Hours that Changed the World”).  I also go to a GriefShare group on Tuesday evenings.  Most of the people in that group also go to my church, but not all of them.  Tonight, I got pretty emotional and broke down in tears.  My spouse didn’t die, but he’s no longer in the house so it’s a loss.  I took my ring off yesterday.  That is taking some getting use to.  I’ve worn that ring for so long.  And it got me through some rough times when I was hospitalized.  To not see it on my finger is a bit emotional, I won’t lie.  We go for mediation on Monday, March 5.  To be honest, I’m not looking forward to it at all.  Up to 3 hours in a room with him…ugh!  I can already feel the anxiety building.  Speaking of anxiety, I’ve been doing okay with that.  I’ve been going to therapy weekly.  My depression has been okay too for having gone through a job loss and now this divorce.  I’m still on the Seroquel and Topamax.  The Topamax was to curb the late night snacking caused by the Seroquel.  I had gained like 30 lbs. initially when I was put on the Seroquel.

I got my first tattoo!  The whole divorce thing caused me to think about death and dying – how was I going to go on?  So I decided to get a tattoo that incorporated the semi-colon.  Here’s a picture of it.  This was taken right after it was done so it’s a bit raw.  The butterfly is colored purple and yellow.  Yellow is my favorite color and yellow was my little cousin Nicole’s favorite color.  She passed away in 2016 at the age of 7. She had Cerebral Palsy.  You can see that the first “t” in Strength is a cross.  That’s to signify my faith.  And of course the word Strength is pretty self-explanatory but it’s to remind me that I have the strength within me to get through the storms.  The semi-colon indicates that my story isn’t over yet.  I was nervous about getting the tattoo because I wasn’t sure if it was going to hurt, but it didn’t really hurt too much.  Kinda like a cat scratching.  I’m pretty proud of it though.  It’s on the inside of my left wrist.

StrengthTattoo

My blog now has its own domain!  http://www.dottiesjourney.com I was pretty excited to get that set up.  Now, I just need to keep going with updating it.  I suppose, I’m going to end this post.  It’ already 10:15 p.m.  I should call it a night and settle in.

Take care and I wish you Peace, Love and Smiles!

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