Feeling Down

Today, I had my therapy appointment.  I typically go every two weeks.  I go to a Christian counselor and I’m very happy with her.  Today, we talked about my finances again.  I’m currently two months behind on both my mortgage and my car payment.  I’m also behind on my electric bill and cable bill.  I called to make payment arrangements on my electric bill though so at least that won’t get shut off.  And I called and cancelled my cable tv so I only have internet now.  I need the internet for my schooling.  I’m cutting back wherever I can.  I work full time, however, truth is the job just doesn’t pay enough to cover all my bills and I’ve been pretty stressed over it.  Being single is a huge challenge.  I think that’s the one part of the divorce that has been the toughest.  I honestly do not miss my ex, but I do miss the double income.  I’m going to work on updating my resume and start looking for a better job.  The one I’m at is only a contract position through the end of December anyway.

The other thing my therapist and I talked about were the upcoming holidays.  I can’t believe Monday is Labor Day already.  My ex runs a fireworks store so Labor Day was one of those holidays where he would be busy selling fireworks.  My therapist was concerned how I might handle the holiday.  I don’t think I’m all too concerned about Labor Day.  But, I have thought about Thanksgiving and Christmas already.  They’ll be my first as a divorcee’.  What will I do?  We used to have dinner at our house and invite my ex’s sister and her family over for dinner on Thanksgiving.  Now what will I do?  I guess I have to think of new traditions to start?  Will my kids be here with me or will they go with their dad?  They’re adults and will probably do whatever they feel like doing.  It is pretty heart-wrenching when I think about it.  I sit here in tears as I think about how lonely these holidays might be.

Tomorrow is Friday and I’m so glad.  I’m ready for the weekend!  What I’m not ready for though is the colder weather.  I’ve been enjoying the summer months; spending time at the park or beach.  This is the first time, I’ve actually loved summer!  I’m sad because one of the parks that I’ve been going to almost everyday after work is going to be closing the day after Labor Day.  What will I do now?!  I enjoy going to the park to unwind after a long day at work.  Being in nature is so therapeutic for me.  I dread the thought of winter and snow and the seasonal depression that I’ll no doubt experience.  SAD = Seasonal Affective Disorder.  I will have to find a way to combat it.  I’ll have to get some warm clothes and embrace the winter months too.  Maybe I’ll try snowshoeing!  If you are in a state that gets snow, and suffer from SAD, how do you fight it?  I’m looking for ideas.  Please comment and share.

That’s all for now.  I wish you all, no matter where you are in this beautiful world, peace, love and smiles.

❤ Dottie

About DorothyMarie

I'm 49 years old, divorced with two adult daughters.
This entry was posted in Anxiety/Depression, divorce, Emotion, life and tagged , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

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