Unfinished Business

Hello Friends!

Before I get into my topic of today, I want to fill you in on the interview I had today.  I was quite nervous going into the interview. You have to remember that I worked for one company for 28.5 years so I really do not have a lot of interview experience.  But I went int with a smile on my face and as confident as I could be. I’m far from arrogant so no worries there.  The interview was with two attorneys. I didn’t feel as overwhelmed as I thought I might. They were both very nice guys. The position they are looking to fill is for a full time legal secretary. The woman who is in the position now is retiring the end of November.  She has been there a long time so it’ll be some pretty tough shoes to fill.  The interview lasted approximately 35-40 minutes.  I think it went okay considering my lack of experience.  They plan to do more interviews through next week so I won’t know anything until later.  I know this is all in God’s hands and its his timing, but I just keep praying that a door opens soon! I really need to get some bills paid.  I have no money right now so I’m in trouble financially.  I’m trying not to be negative, just realistic.

Okay, my topic for today, unfinished business. I was thinking about my dad’s passing. I believe I may have discussed our relationship before and that we really didn’t get along all that well for the longest time. I had zero respect for him when I was younger. I hated living there at a child. Back then I questioned whether I even loved him. I was so incredibly relieved when I got to move in with my mother. Nobody forced me to go visit him after that either so I didn’t.  After moving in with my mom, I hardly ever saw him. It was lucky if I saw him once a year and that was generally around Christmas. I wasn’t lying when I said I had zero respect.  I hated his alcohol and drug addiction. I hated how he teased all the time. I hated his personality. I hated so many of the choices he made. I was always afraid of my dad. So when I lived with him, I was a goodie two shoes. I never did anything that might get me in trouble because I didn’t want to face the wrath of my father. I hated living in this fear.  I remember watching episodes of Little House on the Prairie, wishing I had a dad like Laura Ingalls did.  Why couldn’t my dad put his kids first? In my eyes, my dad failed in the department of earthly father.

I grew up and time passed and I continued to harbor these thoughts towards my dad. I rarely visited him even after I had kids of my own. I never allowed my kids to spend the night with them because I didn’t want them to be exposed to his alcohol or drug abuse.  My dad slowly started to clean himself up and he turned out to be a better grandfather than he ever was a father. I still didn’t visit very often, but I started to come around a little more. As I approached my 40s, the idea of death approached my mind. I began to realize that my parents weren’t going to be around for ever. I decided that I needed to try to mend things between my dad and I.  I slowly started to visit a little more. Our relationship improved, but I was still afraid of him and couldn’t bring myself to ask him questions that I had.  One question I had was “is he a believer?”  That’s one I really wanted to know before he passed away. I wanted to know that he was going to heaven. But I never had the courage to ask and he never talked about religion.  There were other questions I had as well, like his thoughts on the divorce with my mom. It would have been nice to know his actual thoughts.  I would like to have asked him why he didn’t want to help put grandpa’s ashes in the ground at the cemetery when he passed away. My dad just stood back.  I would like to know why he didn’t want to tell us about him having cancer until it was a month before he died.  Questions about the DeYoung family line.  So many questions I had but was too afraid to ask.  And now, I can’t ask because he has passed away.  So, here I sit with unfinished business.  It’s so sad.  Please, do me a favor. If you have questions for your loved ones – ask! Now before it’s too late! Tomorrow is not promised! Trust me, you don’t want to be sitting where I am, wishing you would’ve taken the time to ask. Stepped over that fear and asked.

Got questions? Ask!!! Do it! Now!

Wherever you are in this beautiful world, I wish you peace, love and happiness!

❤ Dottie

 

About DorothyMarie

I'm 47 years old, divorced with two adult daughters. My youngest lives with me. Between the two of us, we have five dogs. Two Pitbull Terriers (Oaklee and Aspen), one German Shepherd (Xena), one long haired Husky (Kaya) and one Pomeranian (Teddy Bear). I started school in January of 2018 and am studying Psychology. I have a long road ahead of me but am excited about it.
This entry was posted in Emotion, life, Wellness and tagged , , . Bookmark the permalink.

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