Unfinished Business

Hello Friends!

Before I get into my topic of today, I want to fill you in on the interview I had today.  I was quite nervous going into the interview. You have to remember that I worked for one company for 28.5 years so I really do not have a lot of interview experience.  But I went int with a smile on my face and as confident as I could be. I’m far from arrogant so no worries there.  The interview was with two attorneys. I didn’t feel as overwhelmed as I thought I might. They were both very nice guys. The position they are looking to fill is for a full time legal secretary. The woman who is in the position now is retiring the end of November.  She has been there a long time so it’ll be some pretty tough shoes to fill.  The interview lasted approximately 35-40 minutes.  I think it went okay considering my lack of experience.  They plan to do more interviews through next week so I won’t know anything until later.  I know this is all in God’s hands and its his timing, but I just keep praying that a door opens soon! I really need to get some bills paid.  I have no money right now so I’m in trouble financially.  I’m trying not to be negative, just realistic.

Okay, my topic for today, unfinished business. I was thinking about my dad’s passing. I believe I may have discussed our relationship before and that we really didn’t get along all that well for the longest time. I had zero respect for him when I was younger. I hated living there at a child. Back then I questioned whether I even loved him. I was so incredibly relieved when I got to move in with my mother. Nobody forced me to go visit him after that either so I didn’t.  After moving in with my mom, I hardly ever saw him. It was lucky if I saw him once a year and that was generally around Christmas. I wasn’t lying when I said I had zero respect.  I hated his alcohol and drug addiction. I hated how he teased all the time. I hated his personality. I hated so many of the choices he made. I was always afraid of my dad. So when I lived with him, I was a goodie two shoes. I never did anything that might get me in trouble because I didn’t want to face the wrath of my father. I hated living in this fear.  I remember watching episodes of Little House on the Prairie, wishing I had a dad like Laura Ingalls did.  Why couldn’t my dad put his kids first? In my eyes, my dad failed in the department of earthly father.

I grew up and time passed and I continued to harbor these thoughts towards my dad. I rarely visited him even after I had kids of my own. I never allowed my kids to spend the night with them because I didn’t want them to be exposed to his alcohol or drug abuse.  My dad slowly started to clean himself up and he turned out to be a better grandfather than he ever was a father. I still didn’t visit very often, but I started to come around a little more. As I approached my 40s, the idea of death approached my mind. I began to realize that my parents weren’t going to be around for ever. I decided that I needed to try to mend things between my dad and I.  I slowly started to visit a little more. Our relationship improved, but I was still afraid of him and couldn’t bring myself to ask him questions that I had.  One question I had was “is he a believer?”  That’s one I really wanted to know before he passed away. I wanted to know that he was going to heaven. But I never had the courage to ask and he never talked about religion.  There were other questions I had as well, like his thoughts on the divorce with my mom. It would have been nice to know his actual thoughts.  I would like to have asked him why he didn’t want to help put grandpa’s ashes in the ground at the cemetery when he passed away. My dad just stood back.  I would like to know why he didn’t want to tell us about him having cancer until it was a month before he died.  Questions about the DeYoung family line.  So many questions I had but was too afraid to ask.  And now, I can’t ask because he has passed away.  So, here I sit with unfinished business.  It’s so sad.  Please, do me a favor. If you have questions for your loved ones – ask! Now before it’s too late! Tomorrow is not promised! Trust me, you don’t want to be sitting where I am, wishing you would’ve taken the time to ask. Stepped over that fear and asked.

Got questions? Ask!!! Do it! Now!

Wherever you are in this beautiful world, I wish you peace, love and happiness!

❤ Dottie


About DorothyMarie

I'm 49 years old, divorced with two adult daughters.
This entry was posted in Emotion, life, Wellness and tagged , , . Bookmark the permalink.

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