Struggling

Hello friends! Happy belated Easter to all of you. I hope you were able to have an enjoyable day. I’m not going to lie, my day was a little difficult. It started fine. I chose to go to the sunrise service at church at 7 a.m. It was held in the garden area of the church. Following the short service, a breakfast was served. I couldn’t eat much, but I did eat something. From there, I came home.

I didn’t get to see my daughters at all. But I texted both of them to say Happy Easter and I love you. I only heard back from my youngest. I was a bit sad that my oldest never responded. For the record, my girls don’t like talking on the phone so that’s why I texted.

Last week Sunday, I went to my brothers church to witness my youngest niece get baptized. Later in the day I got a Facebook message from the oldest niece indicating that they were planning on meeting for dinner on Easter at 5 and I was invited.

So yesterday, prior to meeting them I decided to go spend some time by the river and do some reading. The weather was beautiful and I’m trying so hard not to isolate. From there I went to the restaurant where I was supposed to meet my brother and his family. I got there and messaged my brother to let him know I was there. I then learned that the plan was never made because my brother and sister in law had to work at 5:15. So I was there for nothing. I was disappointed. So I left and got chocolate on the way home. I don’t know how I wasn’t in the know about the dinner not happening.

I’ve turned to those little mini Reese peanut butter cups! They’re definitely my weakness. And I hate that I keep losing to this horrible little devil! Last week, I had gained a couple more pounds. I hate seeing the scale go up and yet I still have turned to these little morsels for times of sorrow. I hate depression and I hate even more that I have this weakness! I thought I was stronger!

I woke this morning crying! Sometimes going on Facebook is difficult because of the memories it throws at you. I am glad I have my Oaklee. I’m not sure what I’d do without her. She seems to know when I need the cuddles.

I have so much to do with regard to packing this house and trying to find a place to live! It’s overwhelming! And this depression is making it 10,000 times worse because I lack motivation to do much of anything.

I hope things improve! And soon…At least the weather is better.

Wherever you are, I wish you peace, love and happiness.

Dottie May 🌻

About DorothyMarie

I'm 48 years old, divorced with two adult daughters. I own one Pitbull Terrier named Oaklee Anne. It’s just her and I right now and it’s still an adjustment! I started school in January of 2018 and am studying Psychology. I have a long road ahead of me but am excited about it.
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