Rough Memory

Hello friends! Sorry it has been so long since I’ve done a post. I’ve been writing more in my regular journal lately.

A lot has been going on. I’m still in the house but do need to move at some point. I’m really not sure where the road will take me. I still don’t have a job other than Uber Eats deliveries. So I’m still quite broke. I’m really considering leaving this state of Michigan. Maybe I’ll have better luck elsewhere!

I no longer have health insurance. The state cut me off although I’m really not sure why. Anyway, due to that I’ve been off my meds for a couple months now. I’m not taking anything now other than vitamins. I know it’s not what the doctor wanted but I couldn’t afford over $400 for a prescription! I’m really impressed by how well I’m doing though. And a couple days ago was testament to just how well!

On Friday a friend of mine invited me to do a family meeting at The mental hospital where he’s at. Well it just so happens this is the same hospital I spent time at numerous times between 2013 and 2016. I really didn’t know how I’d respond to stepping foot back in this place. However at least this time, I could walk back out on my own in a short time. The meeting went pretty good. Afterwards I stayed for lunch. We had to eat in the unit not in the cafe. So being in the same lounge where I’d been before was pretty interesting. A few of the nurses recognized me. As I was eating and visiting with my friend, my old doctor walked in to talk to one of his patients. This was probably the most difficult to deal with. I disliked that guy so much and hearing his voice again literally made my skin crawl and I wanted to cry! It evoked so many memories of my time there. I used to throw stress balls at that doctor! I thought it was funny at the time. I actually did discreetly tear up a little thinking about all those times in the hospital. It’s Sunday and I’m here again to pick up my friend. I can say I’m doing so well because it didn’t cause me to spiral backwards or anything.

I’m really quite proud of myself. I’m also quite blessed that I’ve been doing so well off the meds considering I removed myself from them. I don’t encourage it but feel I had no other choice. I’ve been doing things to bring joy like going to the lakeshore. The waves are incredibly soothing. I color a lot. Read. Listen to music. Occasionally I’ll play some games like Word Stacks. I have come such a long way since those dark days! Praise God! I do have to agree with my former psych in that a lot of it may have been due to my ex husband. I was in a toxic, no good for me relationship without even realizing it. I’m so glad God knows what’s best even if this past year and a half has been nothing but a struggle and what seems like a never ending storm! I’m so much stronger mentally than I’ve ever been in my life!!!

Go me!!

Peace. Love. Smiles.

Dottie May 🌻

About DorothyMarie

I'm 49 years old, divorced with two adult daughters.
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