Some History

Born in 1971 to a young newly married couple. Gary and Claudia. I never knew until 10th grade that my mom was pregnant with me when she got married. Perhaps that doesn’t matter. I just recall doing that family tree assignment and discovering this on my own. I was pretty much shocked. I think that’s because of all the talk my mom always did about waiting for sex until after marriage.

I have one brother (Herb) younger than me that shares the same mom and dad. Although he lives in the same town as I do, I don’t see him much and that’s a long story.

I have one half sister (Kat) older than me that shares the same mom. I did not learn about her until I was about 18. My mom got pregnant shortly after her senior year in high school (or perhaps even during, I’m not quite sure). My mom wasn’t ready to be a mom yet and put Kat up for adoption. I’m pretty sure this was prompted by my grandparents as well. I have contact with Kat through FaceBook. I have to say that it has been interesting to learn how much we have in common.

I have one half sister (Cindy) younger than me that shares the same dad. I didn’t learn about Cindy until my adult years either. She is younger than my brother by a few years. My dad strayed from the marriage and she was a result. I remember it was Christmas Eve of 92, maybe 91. I honestly don’t recall. I just know that it was a Christmas Eve I’d never forget. We were at my grandma’s on my dad’s side. He had been drinking and was feeling good. He had his girlfriend there with him and it just came out… hey you have a younger sister. What!?!? My dad’s motto “Variety is the spice of life”. That’s okay, but not when your definition of variety is straying from a marriage. Cindy and I talk on occasion. Her mom ended up marrying my dad.

Hmmm…3 siblings none of which I am very close with. What does that say?

If you ask me, my childhood was difficult. Divorced parents. Had to live with dad because mom was living out of her car, out of work and dad was not interested in helping out by keeping us temporarily. It was full custody or nothing. In my opinion, I think my dad just wanted to make things miserable for my mom.

My dad was difficult for me to understand and appreciate. He was never really a vision of an earthly father I imagined. He drank, he smoked, he abused and sold drugs. He was an ass at times. I never liked being around him.

My mom was passive and emotional. I enjoyed being with her though. She didn’t do drugs or drink. She was compassionate and caring, but just not assertive enough to fight my dad for custody.

I’ve lived through some incidents that by today’s standards would be considered abuse. He teased me, called me names (like Porky) and I remember him pinching my boobs when I started to develop saying I was part of the itty bitty titty committee. This was something that I found uncomfortable. I hated to be teased.

Fast forward. Summer between 8th and 9th grade. Spending a few weeks of summer with my mom. I loved my time with her. She had gotten a new mobile home in a small town. I wanted to stay here! I didn’t want to go back to dad’s. Neither did my brother. So what’d I do? The only thing I thought as an option. I turned him in for drug and marijuana use. Had we just asked if we could live with mom, the answer would’ve been no. Those were very tough times. But I got to live with my mom for my high school years. Unfortunately, by then much damage to my self esteem had already been done. High school wasn’t easy but at least I was living with my mom.

Fast forward. Graduated 1989. Met the man that would become my husband in August of 1990 and we were married in May of 1991.  In January of 2018, he told me he no longer loved me so we divorced.  The divorce was final in April of 2018.  At first, I took it pretty hard.  And to be honest, I contemplated my own death for the first time.  But, after thinking it through, I decided I deserved better. After all, he did cheat on me.  Nobody deserves that.  I still believe in love and in marriage and I know that it’ll find me again one day. It’s in God’s hands.


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