Doing My Best To Stay Strong

Today started pretty strong. I had Girl Talk which was hosting a woman’s breakfast at the church followed by a special Old Kids Choir concert. I attended both and enjoyed them very much.  I did record videos of most of their performance numbers. But I only posted a couple within my VLOGMAS Day 4 video on YouTube. A link to my channel is the side bar. 

After the performance at church, I had to run an errand in Grand Rapids. It was then that I received a text from my ex husband. Apparently, the credit union has been calling him to let him know they are looking for my car. There is a loan on my car and I am behind. I haven’t been hiding it or anything. Anyway, I immediately felt my anxiety go through the roof.  What was I going to do if my car is taken away? I cried and prayed all the way home. I texted a friend of mine letting him know what was going on.  He is so sweet and is trying to help me out. When I got home, I took one of my anxiety pills.  Aside from being full of anxiety, I was also angry. I have been emailing the credit union several times to let them know my situation and they have not once gotten back with me. I am unable to call because my phone is shut off.  I became so frustrated.  So I went in my room and laid down for awhile.  Cried some more and cuddled my teddy bears.  Yes, 47 and cuddling teddy bears!

Later in the evening, I went to the final meeting of GriefShare.  I’m glad I went because I needed the support.  I broke down in tears there too.  I started to doze off a little during the video – shame on me! But after the video, we did a little game and got presents. It was a good time and helped alleviate my ill feelings.  

I’m doing my best to stay strong and give it to God. Oh, to top it off, I did not get the job at Kohl’s.  

For now, I’m just going to call it a day and go curl up under the blankets and pray some more.  I know I’m not weathering the storm alone.  One thing at a time, I’ll make it through.  Some how, some way…the door will be opened.  

Wherever you are, I wish you peace, love and smiles.

Dottie  🌻

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31 Weeks Post Op VSG and Interview with Kohl’s

Good evening friends!

I can’t believe it’s already 10 p.m.  Today is Monday, the 3rd of December and it’s weigh in day as well.  I’m 31 weeks post op.  I had VSG or vertical sleeve gastrectomy on April 30, 2018 at St. Mary’s Hospital in Grand Rapids, MI with Dr. Randal Baker. He works out of Grand Health Partners.  My pre-op weight was 355 lbs.  Today’s weight was 269 lbs. So far, I’ve lost a total of 86 lbs. even.  I’m happy with my progress thus far.  I have lost quite a few inches too and my stamina is getting better as well.  I’ve been logging my food in the Lose-It app daily.  That’s good for me because quite honestly, I despise logging my food.  However, I have my 6-month post op appointment coming up on Thursday this week and I’m pretty sure the Nutritionist will probably ask about it.  I’m really not doing the greatest with my diet. I’m not getting enough in and I think that’s why my hair is so incredibly thin and falling out.  I know it happens with many weight loss surgery patients, but it just seems pretty rough.  I do well with taking my vitamins daily and pretty well with getting my fluids in.  A non-scale victory was the new coat that I bought for $7.99.  It was a size 2X and it fit beautifully.  It’s red and I love it.  In the past, I would generally pick out dark colors to hide in.  Not anymore.  You should see the array of LulaRoe colored Perfects I have.  I’m living and enjoying life now. I’m no longer trying to hide.  

My activity this past week only included the walking I did at the zoo on Saturday.  I haven’t been out walking because the weather has been wet and dreary or just too cold and snowy!  But just this evening I ventured into the dark part of my basement armed only with the flashlight on my cell phone and I found my workout dvd’s and my kettlebell and yoga mat!  My yoga mat isn’t pictured below but the others are.  The only thing I’m missing now is my core stability ball that my niece borrowed prior to having her baby.  I can now start doing some workouts inside.  Even some strength exercises with the kettlebell.  It’s an 8 lb. bell.  I’m not sure which I’m going to start with…probably a Leslie Sansone workout.  The Jillian Michaels will be emotional for me.  It was the workout I was doing when my dear sister-friend Heidi went missing and was found the next day face down in a pond nearby.  At that time, I vowed never to do a Jillian Michaels workout again.  Heidi was a huge fan of Jillian’s.  She thought Jillian was perfection.  Heidi passed back in 2012 and I haven’t done a workout of hers since that awful night.  

Now, how about that interview? Well, I think it went pretty well. The first thing we had to do when we got there was fill out our availability.  Right now, mine is pretty open except Sunday mornings and Tuesday mornings. I really don’t want to miss church or my bible study if I don’t have to.  He seemed to respect that.  It was the first interview that I’ve been to that was not a one-on-one interview.  There was another woman there as well and the Manager took us both into a room on the 2nd level and questioned us both simultaneously.  Surprisingly, I was pretty comfortable with this. I let the other woman answer first for most of the questions.  She was younger, more hyper, thinner (not that it matters), had 12 years experience in Human Resources.  I was the oldest in the room.  Most of the questions she asked were related to pay and possibility of advancement.  I didn’t ask much, just how long he had been working for Kohl’s.  He had been there 12.5 years.  He has been in retail since he was a teenager.  He mentioned that the store secretary had the most service. She started in 1989. I thought that was fascinating. That’s the same year I had started at Meijer.  I also asked if there was a certain dress code.  There weren’t many questions he asked of us and they really weren’t all that hard, thankfully.  He said that he usually gets back with a yes/no within 24-48 hours.  We would hear via email and when we do, it’s recommended that we schedule our orientation as soon as possible.  He did say that it will start as a seasonal position at $9.25/hour.  But there is potential for it to become permanent part-time.  Everyone starts as part time.  He says the best of the best move on.  If hired, I’ll do my best.  It’s all in God’s hands.  I can’t stress over it.  I’ve been dealing with enough anxiety lately.  

On another note, I worked a wee little bit on my knitting project.  I think I did three rows.  I can’t believe I was able to pick it up and figure it out and I didn’t forget how to do it.  Two of my YouTuber friends crochet and they’re so talented.  One sent me a beanie he made.  I picked the colors purple and yellow and I just love it.  

This coming Friday, I was invited to what’s called Heart & Home at my brother’s church. They’re doing a cookie and gift card exchange. The gift card only needs to be $5 and need to do 3 dozen cookies.  Now, I haven’t baked in eons.  She did say that it’s not mandatory and she’d rather see me show up and not let that stand in the way of me going if I’m not able to do it.  I’m going to be browsing Pinterest probably.  Although I do have my grandmother’s recipe box.  I don’t want anything difficult or expensive.  I’m thinking some molasses cookies because boy do they sound good.  My great-grandma used to make some awesome molasses cookies.  Boy, do I miss those!

Alright, I think I’ve rambled on long enough. Many thanks to the new followers and those that have been following along.  It’s now nearly 11.  Time flies when you’re having fun.

Wherever you are, I wish you peace, love and happiness.  

Don’t forget to smile! 

Dottie May 🌻

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Faced One of My Biggest Fears!

This gallery contains 8 photos.

Good morning Readers! First, I apologize for being MIA for days. Truth is, I’ve been feeling down a bit again because my phone service has been shut off. That means I haven’t been able to do any Shipt Shopping. The … Continue reading

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Happy Belated Thanksgiving!

Hello Friends!

Wow! I’m a few days behind. I started my Shipt shopping job the day before Thanksgiving. I only did two shops that day. It went well. 

Thanksgiving day started out a little rough.  I checked my Facebook and if you’re familiar with it, you know that it throws memories at you. Well, it threw a big picture collage of me and my ex that I had made last year.  Here it is:

Picture Collage

I’m posting this here so you can see what I had to see. I was 19 when I was married and turned 20 the next day. As you can see, we both looked happy in all of them except for the one on lower right. I was smiling, but he wasn’t. He looked absolutely unhappy or miserable.  This was taken last Fall at Tunnel of Trees.  Perhaps some of you remember that post. I had visited there this year and got a bit emotional about it.  My ex new at that point that he wanted out. How did I not see it? I’m surprised he even took a picture with me!  Anyway, I burst into tears when I saw this picture Thanksgiving morning. I seriously shouted at God, why? Why is this photo being shown to me! And I thought to myself “how”. I thought I deleted all of them.  I got in touch with my aunt and showed her.  She was able to talk me through and calm me down.  I wasn’t crying because I missed him…I was really more angry to be honest I think.  Here I’ve been busting my butt to move on and then I’m thrown this curve ball! I cried for while to be honest.  They were healing tears.  

My day moved on…

I spent some quality time with my dogs before making the trip up north to spend time with my brother and his family/extended family.  I left my house around 2 p.m.  Dinner was at my brother’s sister in laws house.  The house was small, but I really enjoyed myself.  I was a fifth wheel.  My brother had his wife and his sister in law had her boyfriend…I was alone.  But there were also 8 kids there.  There was so much food and everything looked delicious. But I didn’t have everything.  Here’s what my plate looked like:

Sweet Potato, Mashed Potato, Stuffing, Green Bean Casserole, Turkey and Gravy

The day was about spending time with family…not about the food.  My brother and I also took a ride to see my grandparents old cottage. That was awesome to see and recall all the memories we had of all the visits we had with them during the summer.  It was a great trip down memory lane! That was probably the highlight of my time.  

So, while I didn’t see my own kids on Thanksgiving, I really did enjoy my time with my brother’s family and extended family. 

Friday, I did some more Shipt shopping. I did three orders and to be honest, by the end of the third, I was so sore and exhausted.  I review the group on Facebook and I’m in awe of all the veteran shoppers who do double orders and 14-15 orders in a day! I have no idea how they do it! I’m starting slow like they recommend.  

Today (Saturday), I got together with my daughters (Kayleigh and Kara) and Kayleigh’s boyfriend Jon.  We met for breakfast at I-Hop.  We enjoyed conversation.  It was a pretty quick breakfast…a little over an hour.  Jon and Kayleigh picked up the bill.  I just enjoyed getting together.  It’s the new normal or new traditions.  I can handle it.  

My ex texted me today and asked me how the Shipt shopping was going. He said he saw me loading the car the other day.  That was unexpected.  But I told him it was going fine.  

I’ve got 7 shops under my belt right now and have made $93.53. That includes the tips.  Not everyone tips.  And some don’t tip right away. They tip later online.  My last shop tonight was my first alcohol order.  I had been shying away from alcohol orders…but I got brave an accepted a small order with alcohol.  It went fine.  Thankfully!  I’m nervous to accept them because if the customer is clearly intoxicated already, then you are not allowed to deliver to them, you have to see if there’s someone else in the household with ID to deliver to. If there is nobody, then you have to explain to the customer that you’re not allowed to deliver to them.  I’m not one for confrontation so I’m nervous about the alcohol orders.  But luckily, this one was fine. 

I just can’t believe that this shy introvert is delivering groceries and interacting with lots of different people now.  I never would’ve thought I could do it.  But I’m doing it and so far I’m enjoying it. God is good.  

I’m going to call it a night now. Tomorrow will be another busy day. I’ve got church and I’m going to try to fit in a couple shops and then there’s an anniversary party for a couple at church. They’re celebrating 70 years I believe. They’re both in their 90’s.  They’re such a beautiful couple.  

We’re supposed to have snow showers too.  Ugh! So not looking forward to it.  Kind of wish I could convert my car into a sleigh! Haha!

Thanks for all your kindnesses. Wherever you are in this world, I wish you peace, love and happiness.

❤ DottieMay 🌻

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Remembering My Grandma Norma and My First Day On The Job

Hello Readers!

I’m a little late with my post. I wanted it to post on the 21st. November 21, 1929 is when my Grandma was born. She would’ve been 89 today! Sadly she passed away December 26, 2000. She was my mom’s mom. I miss her so much. I can’t even believe that it’s been nearly 18 years since she went to heaven.

Here is a picture of her with my two girls. It was taken in 1996. My girls were so little then. Man, how time flies.

I’m doing okay now. However, this morning on my way to therapy, I cried so hard. I just started thinking of her and wishing her Happy Birthday. Yes, I was actually talking out loud in my car. I do that quite often. I have a lot of my conversations with Jesus that way too. Then thoughts of my mom popped in my head. She’s been in heaven since 2006. I happen to look over towards the left and all these sun rays were coming down through the clouds. It was so beautiful. I needed sunshine today. I got to therapy and we had a good session. She was thrilled to hear about my new job! I also told her about how much I was blogging and about Dr. Perry’s post about me. I let her read it. She thought it was so nice. I told her how good it made me feel. And how I’ve had an increase in followers and comments and that they’ve lifted my spirits. It really does make me feel good when someone calls you an inspiration or an overcomer! Thank you so much everyone.

After therapy, I did my first two Shipt shops. I only did two orders because they recommend you start slow. The first order had to be delivered between 1 and 2 p.m. I’m not going to lie, I was pretty nervous! It wasn’t a very big order so I was relieved. There was one out of stock so I had to do a substitute. Then the customer let me know she was stuck in traffic and wouldn’t be home so I needed to leave the groceries on her front porch. That turned out to be a blessing because my map app brought me to the wrong location and I ended up being a wee bit late. I was using Waze map app. I switched to Google map and found my way! Whew! First order done!

The second order was also not very big. And I actually got through that one a bit quicker. There was one out of stock (brown sugar) and no substitute. Then the customer texted and had me add two cases of pop. I managed that easy enough. I delivered that order on time. My total earnings was $27.32. The schedule goes from Monday to Sunday and payday is on Fridays. All in all, it wasn’t bad. I’m still trying to decide if I wanna go out on Thanksgiving or not.

Well that’s a wrap!

Wherever you are in this world, I wish you peace, love and happiness.

Happy Thanksgiving. 🍁🦃

🌻 Dottie.

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Busy Tuesday

Hello Friends!

If you read yesterday’s post, then you’ll recall that a friend of mines (former coworker) daughter passed away unexpectedly on Nov. 15. Her name was Rebecca or Becca as many called her. She was only 35 years old. Today was her funeral.  

I started my day with my bible study group Girl Talk. I go every Tuesday morning at 9:30. I am so grateful to have this group. We generally meet at the local McDonalds for prayer and fellowship.  When we are actually doing a bible study of some sort, we’ll meet at the church office building. Today, there were only three of us. The others were busy working at another church in their food pantry.  I couldn’t stay long due to the funeral.

The funeral was at 11. It was my first Catholic funeral mass. It was so beautiful.  My mom was raised Catholic so I remember going to a few Catholic services when I was younger so not everything was completely foreign.  The service was much longer than your typical funeral.  I did shed tears though.  Becca’s niece did the eulogy. I’d say she must have been 12 or 13 years old.  She did incredibly well talking through her tears.  She told of how close the two of them were.  Becca was the older sister she never had. They did so much together, like sleepovers and played Barbies, went for coffee/hot chocolate. I cried so hard. And I didn’t have any tissue with me. I don’t know when I’ll learn to carry tissue with me in my purse like every other woman does!  Becca loved Barbies and had 300 of them from what they said.  She also loved The Wizard of Oz. That was another one of the times I cried…when they played “Somewhere Over the Rainbow”.  At one point we recited The Lords Prayer. However, the Catholics end it very differently from what I am used to.  They also did communion and from what I remember, you need to belong to the Catholic faith to participate so I sat out on that. Whether that is still the case, I really don’t know.  After the service was over, there was a luncheon that I did stay for.  My other friends Bonnie and Sharon were also there and we sat together to eat.  I did say hi to Brenda (Becca’s mom) and she was thrilled to see me and happy that I showed up.  She always called me Little Miss so that is how she greeted me.  I was happy to hear those words again.  We hugged and I offered my condolences.  

After the funeral, I went through the car wash and vacuumed my car out. It was overdue on vacuuming. I wanted to get it clean for my new grocery delivery job. I have put myself on the schedule for tomorrow between 1 and 2 p.m. and 4 and 5 p.m.  They recommend you start out slow. I’m a nervous nelly about it to be honest.  Please say a prayer and/or send me some positive thoughts!

From the car wash, I went to Mel Trotter thrift store. I still had the $30 in gift cards that a woman from church gave me and I wanted to see if they had a winter coat in my size.  I looked for that first and I found one! I don’t know if it’ll be the most warm but it’s better than just a hoodie which is all that I had.  I also picked up a few other things.  If you follow me on Instagram or Facebook, then you’ve seen them.  Or, if you happen to be one of my followers on YouTube, then you’ll see my Thrift Store haul video.  Yes folks, I also vlog!  Here are some photos:

I also got a couple pair of holiday socks. I just didn’t take pictures of those. I’m slowly feeling the Christmas spirit I guess.  Perhaps I’ll feel it more after Thanksgiving? I really don’t know. 

Usually I want to get through my daughters birthday before thinking about Christmas.  My oldest will be 26 one week from today! I can’t hardly believe it. Where does time go! She has grown into a fabulous young woman and I’m proud of her and Jon (that’s her boyfriend). They have had their struggles but they have worked through them. I have two cute grand dogs (Labradoodles) named Bella Boo and Jax Aroo.  I have gone off on a tangent.  Let’s save Kayleigh talk for next Tuesday.

My final excursion for the day was GriefShare.  That’s my support group for grief and loss.  This is my fourth session I believe.  It is hosted by my church and I love to go for the fellowship. I usually pick up on something new each time and I love the things we share about each other’s hurts with regard to our losses.  The group has been incredibly helpful to me.  My losses are many and they’re not only in the form of human loss. But also pet loss, job loss, marriage loss, etc.  Loss is a loss is a loss.   Tonight at GriefShare, I told everyone about my blog and that the writing has been therapeutic for me. I also told them about Dr. Perry writing a post about me introducing me to his viewers. They were so proud of me for sharing my story. One of the women in my group has always called me an overcomer.  This based on what she has seen in me over the past year with my job loss and divorce.  When I think of it, I really am. 

Wherever you are in this beautiful world, I wish you peace, love and happiness!

🌻 Dottie May

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Weigh In Day

Image from Pinterest

Hello Readers!  

I’m so excited about the increase in blog viewers/readers.  I hope I haven’t missed anybody’s comments.  I thank you so much for those that have stopped by to say hi and give me a follow. 

Today marks 29 weeks since I had my Vertical Sleeve Gastrectomy weight loss surgery (VSG).  I had surgery on April 30, 2018 at St. Mary’s Hospital in Grand Rapids MI with my surgeon Dr. Randal Baker. He works out of Grand Health Partners also in Grand Rapids.  I started at a pre-op weight of 355 pounds.  Today, I weighed in at 271.8 for a total loss of 83.2 pounds! My loss for this past week is 2.8 pounds. I’m really happy with that.  My BMI started at 62.9 and is currently at 48.1. I think that’s pretty good progress.  

I haven’t been taking good measurements as I probably should, but I’ve noticed that there have been inches lost.  My bras and underwear are too big! My pajama pants are falling off me.  I can fit into some clothes that didn’t fit me before!  

I’ve been doing pretty good with the activity. I try to get out and walk a few times a week. I’m dreading the upcoming snow and winter months. But I really want to try to embrace them and get out and be active and take in nature as I can. I know my shopping job will take priority. And, it gets dark out a lot earlier now so I’ll have to schedule in my walks. I’m going to try to get out in the snow. It’ll depend on if I can find a warm jacket. You know, I used to hate summer. I was always so big and miserable. I would never wear shorts or go swimming so it was just a miserable time of year for me. The heat really got to me. This year, however, I LOVED summer. The lakeshore/beach became my happy place. Sunday nights, I would attend worship on the waterfront with my aunt and uncle. Following worship, we would stay for the musical fountains.  It was the best time. Live worship music and then beautiful, colorful water fountains set to music. Perfect! I was so sad when the season ended.  Technically, we’re still in the Fall season, but it’s been very cold, more winter-like.  

This Thursday is Thanksgiving! I can’t even believe it. The holidays are creeping right up on us so quickly. I’m really trying to be strong.  I already know that I won’t be spending the day with my kids. Kara is working and then has plans that evening. Kayleigh is doing things with her boyfriend Jon’s family.  So I am planning to go up north to spend it with my brother and his family.  It’s going to be a very different day for me this year. But I think it’ll be better this year than it was last to be honest.  Last year, even though my now ex hadn’t told me his feelings we didn’t do a traditional dinner at the house. He didn’t want to cook like we had always done in the past. He had steak I think. I don’t remember what Kara did. I made my own little turkey roast and I made a corn casserole that nobody but me ate.  Then he went out Uber driving. I was left alone for the evening. I remember being so hurt and alone.  Why couldn’t I see what was happening? Why was I in the dark? 

I’m sitting here in tears now reliving the memories from when I worked so hard on the relationship way back in 2005 when he initially cheated. Why didn’t I see then that I was the one working and he wasn’t putting as much effort in? I’m the one that went to counseling, he had no interest. Why didn’t I listen to my therapist then all those times when she said “why do you put up with that?” “Dorothy!!!” I sometimes wonder what my life would be like right now had I been a stronger person back then.  But I just couldn’t see myself being a single mom. I was so incredibly afraid to be a single mom. Plus, my own mom was knocking on death’s door.  I couldn’t fathom two losses so close.  My kids were in middle school at the time.  I can’t believe it’s been 13 years since those initial events.  Sometimes I can’t believe I’m divorced. But then I think, it was for the best. God knows what’s best for me even though this year has been what feels like the worst. I have gained so much inner strength.  I’m a completely different woman from what I was.  It really is like night and day.  

I just received news that a former coworkers daughter passed away on the 15th. She was only 35. I’ll be attending the funeral tomorrow. I hope I can handle it emotionally.  May God be with the family during this time of grief.

I’m going to end it here. I’m feeling a bit down at the moment and think I’m going to cuddle with the dogs a bit and curl up in a blanket because I’m actually cold again.  I am always cold! 

Wherever you are in this world, I wish you peace, love and happiness! 

❤ Dottie May

Posted in divorce, life, Weigh In | Tagged , , | 12 Comments